he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
