If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
