Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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