Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
