why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
