i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
