My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
