im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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