yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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