y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
