Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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