you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
