WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
