I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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