How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
