I need help removing her.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize