i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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