I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
