Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
