he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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