He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
