JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
