You made me cry and you don't even care
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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