just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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