proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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