so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
