i think i have two assholes
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
