you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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