Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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