look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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