she takes plan B like it's going out of style
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
