I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
