dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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