I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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