I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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