I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
