Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
