Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
