How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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