i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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