I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
