please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
