things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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