Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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