wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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