i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had to coat check the pizza.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
