Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
