How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
