Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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