my mouth tastes like poor choices
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
