So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
