im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
