Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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