there was a trapeze. enough said
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
