I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
