wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
